**Due to internet complications, I could not post pictures with this blog. Sorry!**

*Also, be sure to check out www.bekahbyxbe.com for more info on more journey!*

My sister-in-law wrote a really good blog (that you can check out here if you'd like) a few days ago which made me think; she said that many times we have a tendency to write about the great things the Lord is doing, but simply struggle through the tough times on our own. Who wants to read a blog about how much it stinks to be a missionary, right? But at the same time, we paint an incorrect picture of our experiences when we neglect to share the times of weakness; the times we simply don't want to be here and the times when it's not so glorious to live this adventurous life in the jungles of Peru or the small fisherman villages of Haiti.

This trip has been very difficult so far; a parasite, two bacterial infections, a high fever with severe headaches, and a possible case of lice... and that's in only four weeks! Besides the illnesses, there are the general differences in living; strenuous daily tasks, no air conditioning (simply meaning, you sweat all day every day), rats in the house every night, tarantulas in the corners, mosquitoes and biting gnats everywhere, constant visitors to entertain, learning a new language, the list goes on and on. And although this sounds like a bunch of complaining, this is real life here. And sometimes my complaining gets in the way of what the Lord is doing here.

But other times, I realize that I have a choice; I can complain about what I don't like and the things that are hard, or I can delight in them. Paul says, "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." For me, it is easy to read those words and think about how great it would be to let the Lord work through my struggles; to delight in the Lord and His goodness, and let the troubles of the world simply fade to the back. But when living through those struggles, the weaknesses and hardships that bring about anger and frustration, I realize that to delight in the Lord really is a hard and intentional choice.  After all, how do you delight in the Lord amidst 24/7 sweat, spiders, and blood sucking insects?

I'll admit, there are several times where I want to give up and run home to my mom; several times I break down in tears because I can't deal with how hard things are. But then, there are those beautiful times where I choose to delight in the Lord, and experience His small but significant blessings here in my life and the lives of those around me. When we are weak, He is strong; when we lay down our lives, His life is what the people see. When we choose to delight in Him amidst all else, He becomes the center of our hearts desire.  And that, no matter how hard, is always a story worth sharing.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

*The internet here in Peru didn't want to work with my blog site, www.bekahbyxbe.com. So today's post will be here for now! Thanks for following!*

Many days here, it seems that the daily chores and tasks take so much time that there is little time to be a missionary. But what is a missionary, really? Looking at the life of Jesus, he wasn't there to build orphanages or open a feeding ministry. He didn't necessarily have a special assignment he set out to accomplish. He walked with the people, lived as they lived, and in doing that he brought them the true "food" that they needed.

Living here, the daily chores are enough to wear you down, if you are not used to them. Going to the bathroom becomes a hike down the hill to a hole in the backyard, instead of stepping into the next room. Washing clothes becomes a few hours of laboring over a bucket with some soap and water, instead of simply loading the clothes and pressing a button. Eating a meal becomes a trip to the market, shopping for specific items, and returning to cook them instead of pulling out a frozen dinner. Living with "the least of these" becomes an all day ordeal instead of noble pastime.

So when do I get to be a missionary and spread the Good News to everyone? When do I get to take part in those wonderful miracles we hear about, leading villages and even nations to the Lord?  The answer: in the daily chores. The miracle is in the conversation held with the neighbor as they sit with me and talk during my clothes washing routine. The miracle is in the brief encounter that happens in the market every day, as I make habits of visiting those same patrons over and over again. The miracle is in the kids that I play with, if only for five minutes, on my way down the street to purchase more toilet paper or soap for the house.

Living life here is what I do. I'm not a glorified American guest that has come to save the world. I'm not above anyone because of my raising or stature. I'm a neighbor, a friend, a housekeeper, a customer... simply a person.  And sharing my life is what I do. Nothing more, and nothing less. 

Here are a few pictures of my living quarters down here!

This is the outside of Crystal's house in Nauta.

Inside the house! Don't worry, we cleaned a little after this photo :)

The bath house (picture taken from above), where we bath, wash dishes, and clean clothes!

**NOTICE: Please visit www.bekahbyxbe.com before following the SUPPORT instructions!! They apply to my new website and blog address!!**

http://www.bekahbyxbe.com/1/post/2012/02/3-weeks.html

Today marks exactly 3 weeks until I leave for Peru. On March 14^th, I will board a plane once again and head to the jungles of Peru to spend a month and a half seeking, searching, and sharing with the people of Nauta, Peru. I am excited, terrified, amazed, anxious...all kinds of emotions balled up into this one big heap of faith.

The amount of money I need in order to make this trip a reality is $2500.  So far, I have raised... $157; a bit of a gap that I'm lacking if I did my math correctly.  However, the Lord has drastically changed my perspective when it comes to the dollar amount.  I used to place my security in the amount of money that had already come in, making the percentage of me actually leaving based on the percentage raised.  For example, if I had raised $10 out of $100, there was a 10% chance that I would actually go!

Thankfully, my level of trust in the Lord and His plans for me has risen in immeasurable amounts; so much so that I have already bought my ticket to Peru!  He spoke very clearly, telling me to go; therefore, we're going! I say "we" because you all are as much a part of this trip as I am. I want to share this journey with you; from provisional prayers and general updates to the unique stories of men and women changed forever by the love of their Father.

I am inviting you to partner with me. Financially, I appreciate any dollar amount you feel led to donate. In fact, a good friend of mine came up and gave me the last $7 out of her pocket yesterday, and the encouragement I received from her words and her generosity turned my entire day around.  The Lord can use any amount of generosity for His Kingdom. But more than financial support, I need your verbal support! Tell your friends, share my website, and get your friends excited about what the Lord is doing through this opportunity. This might be confusing, but try and follow: if I have 10 friends that all give $10, we have $100. That's awesome. BUT, what if all 10 of my friends had 10 of their friends get excited about this journey and donate $10? We would have $1,000!! Over 1/3 of the funds needed for the entire trip!

So how do you get involved? Well, if you are here then you have already accomplished the hardest part! Now, just click the "Support" tab at the top of the page, and you will find all the info necessary to support me in a number of ways. Thank you so much for being a part of the work the Lord is doing here, there, and everywhere!

**Also, there is a "shop" tab at the top. This is full of things I collected from around the world during my trip this past year (World Race, 11 countries in 11 months). Feel free to look around, and everything purchased will 100% go towards funding my trip to Peru!**

First of all, I have to admit to you all: blogging is DIFFICULT! I have this problem; once I get started, it's relatively easy. But when I go for too long without updating, I get lost and can't seem to pick it back up again! I know that this post will seem like years have gone by without updating you, SO if you have questions, please email me and I would love to fill in the gaps for you!

ANNOUNCEMENT: I am currently beginning a somewhat extended process of MOVING TO PERU for a year!! That's correct! I will *hopefully* be going to Peru for at least a year to work alongside a wonderful woman of God and learn more about long term missions, orphans, the Father's heart, and the beauty He has placed in this world.

My plans are to take a "visionary" trip to Peru for 6 weeks. I will live, serve, and talk about plans for the future with Crystal Reitsma (currently a full time missionary in the jungles of Peru). I am praying that during this trip, God will confirm that this is where my next season of seeking and serving will be. I feel He has called me to this; but because I have never been to this area of Peru nor have I gotten a chance to meet with Crystal in person, I am taking this next step to confirm this direction.

After 6 weeks, if the Lord has in fact confirmed Peru for me, I will begin fundraising for an entire year of living down in this area! I am so excited for this opportunity to seek the Lord and grow closer to His heart. Please be in prayer as I continue on this journey with Him! If you are interested in donating toward my 6 week visionary trip, please email me at bekah.byxbe@gmail.com for more information!!

Ever wonder what happens when you pray big and bold prayers?

Does manna from Heaven simple fall all over you and in an instant you are equipped with exactly what you asked for?

Does your head suddenly gain all the knowledge required to step into that deep unknown abyss you want to walk through?

Or does the devil hear you and come flying in, knocking down every chance you had been contemplating, making it impossible to actually reach your goal?

None of these.*

One thing the Lord has been showing me over and over is that when you pray big and bold prayers, He creates opportunities.

Opportunities that allow you to exercise your faith and trust in Him, stepping out in confidence that He will be right next to you.

So why is it that when I pray big and bold prayers, and an opportunity presents itself, I run hard and fast?

And usually, in the wrong direction...

I want the unshakable faith, but always seem a bit too scared to exercise the little I actually attain at the current moment.

A few months ago, a friend of mine gave me a word that the Lord had placed on her heart.

She said, "I'm opening your eyes. Be willing to see. -God"

If God is opening my eyes, wouldn't I be able to see whatever He is showing me?

Not exactly...

Everything we do is a choice. And everything we see, we can choose to see through two different sets of eyes.

Worldly eyes or God's eyes.

Selfish eyes or Kingdom eyes.

We must be willing to see with eyes of the One who created, instead of simply seeing the surface of what He created.

So when these opportunities come, I can choose to look through my eyes and see only what my mind can fathom (or logically reason).

Or I can choose to see through Kingdom eyes, and know that what the Lord called me to, He is faithful to carry it out until the day of completion.

And also know that by stepping out into the "there is no way I can possible handle this," people are allowed to see the power that God possesses when He comes in and handles it.

Two sets of eyes.

Two separate worlds.

Always one choice.

Stumbling block or opportunity?

My abilities or God's Kingdom purposes?

"So keep up your courage, men; for I have faith in God that it will happen just as He told me."
Acts 27:25

High courage, bold faith, big purpose.

*I'm not saying these options are impossible, because I believe my God can do anything. BUT most of the time, this is not how it works for me...

Missionaries; maybe it's their perfect walk with the Lord, where they spend at least 3 times a day in prayer and read the Bible through numerous times each year. They possess every fruit of the Spirit and live them out with exceptional eloquence. When they do sin, it's not really a big thing. Maybe they say a cuss word here and there, but don't have the capacity to really screw up anything major. After all, they are a missionary.

I have known for a long time that my calling in life is to be a missionary; to serve on the mission field overseas and live as one of the many who so often go unnoticed. But in pursuit of this calling, I have found myself coming up short on several occasions. I have made mistakes, given in to unwanted peer pressure, or simply gotten tired of being so "good." And every time I fall, I hide, thinking that no one can know about my mistakes. Because what missionary would do those things?

I am tired of living half-way. I want no more of the lukewarm life; simply sliding back into the shadows when holiness becomes too tiring. I'm done with the lies; hiding my mistakes because I'm ashamed of what the world will think of me or what will happen to my future.  I know that I am not perfect and that my actions render consequences. There will probably be more mistakes in my future because the devil is sneaky; I am not ignorant.  But I want to be transparent, not allowing the devil to have a foothold in my life because of temptation I couldn't ignore. We all fall, but we get back up much faster with the love and support of a community that knows our failures but also knows our potential is greater.

I'm ready to BE the change I want to see in everyone else around me. No more talking about it, waiting for everyone to jump in altogether, or sitting back hoping things just change themselves. I'm taking the step forward, leaving all the rest behind, and making a change. I know God works everything out for the good of those who love Him and are called by Him. I know I am called, and I love no one more than Him, so I have no doubt that even in my failings, He is painting a beautiful picture of redemption and grace with every stroke.

Perfect missionary? They don't exist. But here I stand, ready to be used by the Lord; admitting that my imperfections are there but will never be strong enough to overpower the impact God can have with my life. 

Finally leaving Africa, I realized there was one thing I wanted to share with you before moving on to Asia: African bus rides. You always hear people say, "Oh those African bus rides, there's nothing like them." And for most of you, you have no idea what that truly entails. Even the people I have traveled with to Kenya before this year don't have the full picture of what African buses really have to offer. So I decided to take a break from my serious, lesson-filled blogs to write this one. Enjoy! I will warn you though; this is a longer blog than I like to write. But I wanted to paint the full picture for you, not just a summary. If you can endure reading the whole thing, I think you'll like it!

**Note: this is a culmination of a few different trips throughout Africa, but I decided to combine them into one picture. So you are getting a taste of what could possibly be one of the worst rides Africa has to offer. But because of space, I left out several things, i.e., leaky bus roofs during a downpour and blown out tires. And yes, all of these are real life experiences. **

You arrive at a "bus station," which is actually a parking lot sized fenced in area packed FULL of buses, with different bus lines, destinations, and departure times. There are numerous men all yelling at you in a language you can't possibly recognize, all trying to give you reasons why you should take their bus. (Their bus is always the best, don't you know?) You have one word, which is supposedly the city you are heading to, and a departure time. It's almost like a puzzle: which of these buses matches up with information I think is correct. So you settle on one, only to find out you are 3 hours early, but you're day has already been bad enough that you just surrender your bag and climb on the bus. Maybe a little bit of sleep won't be so bad before you actually take off.

Because the bus hasn't moved overnight, there are swarms of mosquitoes resting in pretty much every seat. So you hose down with a can of deet, wrap a blanket around you (even though it's already 100 degrees) and lay down. Malaria or heat exhaustion? Heat, please, and thank you. Two hours later, you wake to realize there is a woman standing over you, trying to sell you some water, and the bus is filling up quickly.  So you hazily get all your things together and move to one of the empty seats, always aiming for a seat with a window that opens.

To get an idea of how the seats in these buses feel, get in the passenger seat of your car and move your seat as far forward as you possibly can. Sit the back of your seat as vertical as it will go. If your knees are not crammed in the dashboard, you are one of the lucky ones.  And if you can sleep in this position for 10+ hours, you have earned my respect, hands down. So, five hours after your original departure time, your bus pulls out. Five minutes down the road, you of course stop and fill the tank with gas. Finally, you are on your way! You never know how long the trip will actually take, because everyone tells you a different estimate, but you're secretly hoping for the shortest distance (which is usually somewhere around 8 hours).

Unfortunately, the window you chose to sit next to happens to be the loosest one on the bus. So if you try and lean against it to sleep, you suddenly feel as if you are riding the Ninja at Six Flags over Georgia: your head vibrating to the point of helplessness. Either your face will tickle/itch the whole time, or your head will begin to feel as if it would explode. Neither of these are very good options, so sleep you will not get. Because of the heat, you open your window. Suddenly, you feel like your dog when he rides in the back of the truck, because your face is being peeled off by the wind. There is no middle ground; if your window is slightly cracked, you will automatically be having flashbacks to ol' Wilson, the golden retriever. The only other option is a sauna, or what sometimes feels like an easy bake oven, so you choose the wind. With music in your ears, it almost seems that you aren't on the bus anymore (except for the fact that your arm is glued with sweat to the person sitting next to you, but that's not really a big deal anymore).

Your driver doesn't seem to see the roughness of the road anymore; I guess after driving it so long, it all looks pretty smooth and nice to him. So he drives an outstanding 60 miles an hour, flying over every pothole, crack, and speed bump in the country. This provides insight for you into the great game of Wacamole, only you finally get to feel how the moles do as they pop up and down, over and over again. You have no choice but to be thrown airborne, out of your seat, multiple times every hour. You can choose to find humor in this, or realize the urgency of your next chiropractor visit which you will not get for at least another 3 months. You do however get frequent breaks, as the bus pulls to the side to allow new passengers to climb on every 30 minutes or so.

About 3 hours into your trip, you start to feel the need to use a toilet. You have no idea what the procedure for this is, or if it is even an option at all. Suddenly, almost as if they are reading your mind, the bus pulls to the side of the road, next to a very large open field. Passengers begin unloading, men walking to the left, woman heading towards the right. And yes, that is correct: they simply squat right there and take care of business. Since you chose to be rebellious today and wear pants which provide NO secrecy when it comes to this issue, you decide to take an Imodium for future possibilities and hold everything else.  (In the future, you will be able to trace back to this instance right here as a reason that your prayer life increased greatly.)

This particular ride is estimated at a measly 16 hours, and rumor has it that there is a lunch stop in the near future. This is good because the few snacks you bought before leaving have now been consumed without second thought.  When the bus finally comes to a stop in front of the "restaurants," you get wind that there is a restroom just past the wall in front of you. Forget food, you might get to go! So you scramble to get your stuff together, hoping you have some scraps of toilet paper left in your bag from last month. Turning the corner, you see a dirty latrine with a door somewhat attached. PRIVACY! You have never been more excited to see a dirty hole in your life! So you take care of business and head out just in time to scope out the food options.

You were given exactly 10 minutes, but with the tardiness of the morning start and the general reputation of Africa, you decide that time is not the most important thing at the moment. The food options fall to a can of sunflower oil and a large tray of onions. Not fully understanding anything about that, you walk across the street to venders with more normal items: potato chips, boxed juices, and fresh fruit. You select quickly, and turn around to realize your teammate is hanging out of the door of the bus, trying to convince the driver that you are, in fact, NOT on the bus. So you run and jump on the slowly moving bus that refuses to stop for you, only to have everyone on it tell you that you almost missed the bus. Really? That is one thing I did not realize as I was chasing it. But thank you for letting me know!

On the road again and in need of a nap at any cost, you shove your head between the window and the seat in front of you tight enough to reduce the vibrating and hold you from the airborne adventures. Somehow, you get in a good half-hour and wake up with drool everywhere: soaking your chin, all over your pillow, and somehow even on your pants. Turning to your friend, you realize that the thirteen Africans in your view are all staring at you with blank faces. Awesome. And your friend was kind enough to snap a picture. It will be on Facebook the next time you get internet fast enough to upload a photo. (Lucky for you, that's two months from now!)

Late into the afternoon, you are getting a bit hungry again. But good thing you are now passing through a town, where people line the streets with options to purchase. You've been in Africa long enough to realize the "safe to eat" and "not such a good idea" are pretty much on the same lines. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. So you might as well enjoy the food as you eat it! You open your window, and survey the choices at hand: individually cut chunks of sugarcane; sticks of roasted corn; kebobs with different types of "meat," ranging from what looks to be a beef substitute to amazing looking goat; many types of fresh fruit, including grapes, oranges, and always the option of bananas in every size. But the choices don't stop there. You can also purchase drinks of any kind, from juice in a bag to Coca-cola in a bottle; shoes of all different sizes and styles; sunglasses and jewelry; kitchen ware; and my personal favorite: 2 birds in a cage.  All of these and more walk right up to your window, with negotiable price tags on each and every one. You never need to leave your seat to have anything you could possibly want.

Reaching your destination in the wee hours of the night, you get off the bus hoping your friend is waiting for you with some mode of transportation better than the last. But walking seems to be more difficult than normal. That is when you realize your ankles and toes have swollen to the point that you are seriously contemplating whether they will explode or not. Guess there is nothing to do about it now; just keep moving until you've made it the entire journey. When you do finally reach the destination, you lay down on the dirty and disgusting floor because you are too tired to unpack you back and find your air mat. And then, you just cry. Letting out all the frustrations and mishaps that you just endured, knowing the people around you understand completely, but no one else will ever fully know what you went through to get from one place to the next.

The things we do for love...

This song has been on repeat in my mind for almost a month now. During my time in Uganda, the Lord brought it to my attention and I picked up the guitar (for the first time in 2 months) and learned it. Again, during debrief in Nairobi, the Lord asked me to go and play it for the entire squad. But now for a third time, the Lord has placed it on my mind. So I want to share the words with you and I pray the Lord will use them in your life like He has done for me.

 The same sun that rises over castles and welcomes the day
Spills over buildings into the streets where orphans play
And only you can see the good in broken things
You took my heart of stone and you made it home, you set this prisoner free

 Hallelujah, Hallelujah
whatever's in front of me 
help me to sing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing Hallelujah 

Hallelujah by Bethany Dillon

**Picture by Elizabeth Yates; Ugandan sunset**